Your Questions About Tapes On Self Esteem

please read this, I don’t know what to do?

Where do I start,

I am narcissistic, badly. I have endless low self esteem, and I have tried to change that by listening to affirmation tapes, relaxation tapes and going to church. I have changed my diet to a healthy one and exercise as I was aware it could also be part depression.

I have faith in God but at times it’s hard to believe when I sort of believe in only believe if you see it. I feel almost hopeless all the time, even when I do feel strong and happy it lasts for maybe a few days or a week. At times I get intense bouts of anger and take it out on my mum. I use her credit card alot and have spend hundreds on it. She is too overprotective and I feel that she babys me too much. She does everything for me and I am screaming inside because I depend on her so much.
I can’t keep a job, I’m getting lots of interviews but I don’t go to them. People tell me I am pretty and I get compliments from family, friends and strangers but I don’t like it. I feel they are saying it to try and hurt me. I always feel people are constantly judging and looking at me and that I can never be myself. I don’t really know who I am and I find it hard to open up to anyone. I don’t have many opinions and I seem to admire people more than I can even begin to like myself.

Growing up my dad was quite an angry person and would emotionally and physically hurt us SOMETIMES, if we were bad, and fought with my mum alot. He could be really nice too, he didn’t completley be a horrible father it was mixed. He died from cancer when I was 14 and Witnessed the whole thing as I was there when he died. The reason why I am saying what I have been through is maybe this has part to do with why I am the way I am.

I can’t do this anymore because I’m trying everything and it’s like nothing is working. I don’t have any friends anymore because of this.

I am going to see the doctor on monday,

What the hell is wrong with me?

My girlfriend was repeatedly molested by her father growing up?

My gf, now 20, was molested almost daily by her father from the age of 5 until the age of 13. The more I got to know her, the more apparent the effects of this abuse became. I now see that she is a textbook child molestation victim. These are the biggest effects in her:

-extreme promiscuity
-horrid self esteem
-extreme paraphilias
-compulsive lying (even about inconsequential things)
-likes to occasionally dress up like a little girl and call me “daddy”
-no sense of appropriate sexual behavior or boundaries (she likes to come into the bathroom while im on the toilet to talk, or she tries to have sex in a crowded supermarket on a Saturday afternoon)
-likes to do things she knows anger me so I yell and curse and it validates her low self esteem
-takes pride in her promiscuity and wears it like a badge of honor
-extremely submissive. Her only objective in life is to please her man, regardless of the request. She also can’t make her own decisions — I have to make them for her
-determined to settle down and get married and start a family

There are others but those are the biggies. She refuses to get therapy because she doesn’t want to have to face the memories she THINKS she’s buried. This is the second girl I’ve dated with an abusive childhood, and the first was a complete lost cause so I had to let her go. This girl is different. I see brief glimpses of the normal, healthy girl that lies within. Her positive qualities, while overshadowed by the aforementioned negatives, are wonderful.

In my gut I’ve known all along that she can be saved — today she even admitted that she sometimes feels like a prisoner in her own body — but that hope is dwindling. I know there’s a healthy girl waiting to come out, but she refuses to get help. I can’t just let her go because she’s beautiful (she used to model) and her only happiness comes from male validation; the perfect recipe to get taken advantage of. If I let her go, boyfriend after boyfriend will abuse her and take advantage of her, and I love her too much to let that happen. I know she wants to change.

Sorry this is so long, but here’s the bottom line: she has agreed that since she refuses to get professional help, she will be as open and honest with me as I need her to be in order to help her myself. She has agreed to open up completely about her childhood and what she went through, and anything else I ask, as long as I stop pressuring her to get professional help. So my plan is to do whatever research I can, buy whatever books I can, talk to whoever I can, so I can teach myself enough to be her therapist. I know I won’t be nearly as effective as a professional, but I figure if she’s refusing to go to therapy anyway, this is the next best thing.

Please, any advice you guys can offer me (especially from mental health professionals) would be greatly greatly appreciated. I understand the enormity of the task I’m undertaking, and maybe she is a lost cause, but the brief glimpses of hope I see in her keeps the flame in me alive. But please don’t just tell me “she needs help.” And don’t tell me how screwed up she is. I understand what a mess she is, believe me, I have to deal with her daily. What I’m asking for is literature, web sites, tapes, DVDs, anything that can help me help her. And advice/tips from mental health professionals is especially appreciated.

Thanks for reading. God bless.

PS I’ve already purchased and begun reading “Allies in Healing” by Laura Davis.
This whole experience with her has changed my entire outlook on the objectification of women. I used to enjoy pornography and strip clubs, just like any other hetero male. I no longer enjoy these things, because I know the majority of porn stars and strippers are girls just like her, with fatherless childhoods, just seeking the validation of men, validation they never got when they were growing up. It’s sad.

Needs some help with my sex life!?

I have been witht he same guy for over two years our realtionship is very different. I am 20 and my boyfriend is 29, I am pretty self confident about myself and I am pretty down to earth. But, this has been going on for a while, I caught my bf masterbating about a year ago and it didnt make sense to me because he told me to watch a movie and he would be in, in a few mintues i waited and waited ands then i walked in on him doin; the deed…Well, now here is whats currently happening,,. we have sex every once in a blue moon, about once a month if i am lucky, but he beats down every other day or if not everyday…I find out easly b.c he sets the broweser on private, or hides the video tapes n dvd’s…Now, i am kind of feed up bc I have no sex life wit him, I tried to talk to him and play with him and his exuses are always “baby the tip of hurts” “uuuhhh, well if u did n ot beg so much maybe we would be having it” “i am too tired”..I thought he would be cheating on me for ahile but, I told him from the start that, if u want to cheat on me feel free to just break up with me the mintue u do, I love you very much and i always will but, if u cheat i do not want to be apart of u! So, idk, if there is anyone who can please help m e out with this, please give me some really good adivce, Here are a few more things, please no body take any offense to this, he masterbates to teenage sluts, black women (no offense please i just want adivce), group shit and everything else…I dont get it, I am a very cute girl and men always hit on me but, i dont care for it! but, it is really hurting my self esteem that he doesnt want to have sex with me at all..the only times we do have sex he is really drunk and that is when he will do it with me…, I lost about 60 ilb, so i am at 5’9 with 110 ilbs total. I have even changed my hair color and done almost everything to look better for him and notthing has worked, I tired sex toys, deep thoart trix, sexy clothes, but, notthing has worked…I feel very unwanted by him…Also, am I taking this too far, I mean should i just not care about it, is a healthy sex life important in a realtionship, is sex even important in a realationship or I am being self fish about wanting to have sex with him and he doesnt want it with me maybe? Idk, but can someone please give me some adivce I dont know what else to do! Thank you and you are really h elping me out!